Its just a night between two days...

This was what my good friend Tammy wrote to me about a week ago when I told her about having those moments while traveling when I felt like turning back. She included many other AMAZING quotes and insights that I was able to receive so deeply. Thank you Tammy, I love you!

The truth is that I have been dealing with vertigo while traveling for over a month now. It started when I was in Sicily, but I was determined to keep going. I was looking forward to being in India so much, and knew I could get treatment there. Of course, I also hoped that it would just go away. When I went to my cousins I rested a lot. I had some energy work done and started taking some supplements that have shown to help. Because of my inability to move my head around too much, my neck and back were in pretty bad shape. My cousin is a chiropractor, but she was unable to treat me because of the vertigo. She tried one time but I almost fell off her table when moving positions and that was the end of that...which was a bummer cause I was really looking forward to a good crackin, lol.

Still I was determined to keep going. And so I left her house and went to Florence. I was able to see Michelangelo's David...which completely lived up to the hype. Seriously, I just stood there admiring that sculpture for about 20 minutes. And because it is not tourist season I was able to do this with ease. I climbed the Duomo which was intense for me...even more than when Amelia and I went into the pyramids! It is this crazy tight circular stair case and then side ways and then you come out and you are in the basilica where there were some of the most gruesome depictions of hell I have ever seen! Seriously...I am glad I don't believe in hell, cause Florence would have been traumatic otherwise, lol. And then you go back into the walls of the structure and keep climbing...people are coming down and assuring you, its not much further and its "worth it." And then you get there and you agree...and together everyone enjoys the view together...and the fresh air...there is such camaraderie in experiencing situations like this with strangers. We did it...we made it...everyone is happy in that moment...the feeling of peace is tangible.

Thursday was my Thanksbirthday. I went to a beautiful church called Santa Maria della Croce per the recommendation of my friend Kirk...who by the way I have to thank for all his help when I was in Florence...I love you Kirk! Then I went to the Ufizi museum where I met a man in the ticket booth whose wife was also having her Thanksbirthday! He invited me to celebrate with them that night and I gave him my contact information but I never heard from him...I'm thinking maybe his wife wasn't too keen on him bringing some random woman over for Thanksbirthday dinner, lol. Its for the best though cause explaining to another Italian family that I don't eat meat and can't drink wine right now is never super fun.(I did go out to dinner with a woman in my hostel named Fairlie which was lovely :) I am fairly certain I missed most of this museum due to 1)not getting a map of the place 2) as much as I hate to say, vertigo makes it hard to move your eyes around a lot and 3)receiving a call from my cousin telling me that there was a terrorist situation in Mumbai.

So, I went back to my hostel to find out what was going on. I was supposed to leave for Mumbai on Monday. For about two hours I was kinda freaking out. I had organized my arrival to India so well. I had a hotel in Mumbai and another plane ticket to Trivandrum, where I would be picked up to go to Amma ji's ashram. Now there was so much re-arranging to do. I was looking at all my options on the net and even considered just flying to Bangkok first, but their airport was closed due to "civil unrest." Then I got a phone call from my uncle Johnny...who is like my father ...wishing me a happy birthday and asking me not to go to India. I knew that my family would be concerned, but I also felt that I had to make the decision I felt most comfortable with. I did not want to make a decision out of fear and the truth is that I still did not feel unsafe traveling to India.


What it ended up coming down to was my feelings of wellness. The vertigo had gotten worse since I left my cousins, and re-arranging my trip to India felt overwhelming. I also believe very strongly in how the energy around you effects your experience. I knew that I had a lot of fear energy surrounding me from my family. I also knew that as a result of the events, India herself was experiencing some shifts. In my heart I wanted to be present to contribute in a positive way. But I had to be honest with myself and ask, "Do you really feel up to this right now?" And the answer was no.

Once I decided to leave I felt that I must make it back for one of my best friend's weddings. So Friday I changed my ticket to come home Saturday. I left my hostel at 5 a.m. Took a train to the airport, a plane to London, and another to Dulles. My plane got in at 2 and with the help of my sister and my girl Jewel...I made it to Jenny's wedding at 5!

Being present for this moment in her life was so precious to me, and so worth all it took for me to get there. When I planned my trip I had to accept that I would miss this day...and just be with her in thought and Presence. But, I am so thankful that I was able to make it. I know for certain that Jenny is one of the most beautiful beings I have ever known. I could literally feel her heart...and the purity of it...the purity of the moment touched me so deeply. Thank you for being you Jenny...I thank God that you are in my life.

So what now? That seems to be the question, lol...and I realized as I got off the plane in Virginia that this will be another great test of being present in the moment. My first focus is to find complete healing from symptoms of vertigo and I believe that this will happen. My desire is still to go to India and I am trusting that the Universe will provide a way to get there when the time is perfect. Other than that, I am just appreciating being in my bed with my dog sleeping beside me...that my sister is just upstairs...that I feel so much love in my life. I am appreciating the fullness of what is right now...and not caring about what is not. And I am just so damn thankful.

Love, Peace, and Blessings