Plugs

Okay, there are a few plugs I have to make...

I met a couple in Florence who together have created a non-profit that works with orphans in Ukraine. I told them I would post their site a long time ago, and things got a bit hectic so I am making good on my promise :) I was particularly interested in the program they are developing for children who "age out" of the system. This happens in foster care all over the world. Children who have no family turn the legal "adult" age, and then the state is no longer responsible for them. Andy and Jaimee are a beautiful couple who have dedicated their lives to helping others and are in need of donations to help support their ability to continue the work they are doing with Operation Lazarus.
Here is the website if you want to check it out or make a donation: http://operationlazarus.com/main.html

The next two are for businesses in the Northern Virginia Area:

Karen Davis is a wonderful Natropathic Physician who I went to for detoxification (aka colonics, lol) I had a really positive experience with her and she works in the Natural Horizons Wellness Center, which provides a range of holistic health options. These are the links for her and the center: http://gentlecoloncare.com/ and http://www.nhwellnesscenters.com/

The last, but not least, is the chiropractor I have been seeing, Dr. Amir Amadiyar at Greater Falls Church Chiropractic and Acupuncture. My back was in pretty bad shape when I returned from my trip and I was in a lot of pain. He has helped me so much and been incredibly patient and encouraging with me concerning the vertigo issues. The office also offers massage, acupuncture, physical therapy and cranial sacral. I went to Brenda for deep tissue massage and she can work it out! They do not have a website but I will attach a link to the listing in superpages: http://www.superpages.com/bp/Falls-Church-VA/Greater-Falls-Church-Chiropractic-Acupuncture-L0081768321.htm?C=Greater+Falls+Church+Chiropractic&L=va&lbp=1

Thats all for now. I hope everyone is enjoying this holiday season!

Love, Peace, and Blessings

Its just a night between two days...

This was what my good friend Tammy wrote to me about a week ago when I told her about having those moments while traveling when I felt like turning back. She included many other AMAZING quotes and insights that I was able to receive so deeply. Thank you Tammy, I love you!

The truth is that I have been dealing with vertigo while traveling for over a month now. It started when I was in Sicily, but I was determined to keep going. I was looking forward to being in India so much, and knew I could get treatment there. Of course, I also hoped that it would just go away. When I went to my cousins I rested a lot. I had some energy work done and started taking some supplements that have shown to help. Because of my inability to move my head around too much, my neck and back were in pretty bad shape. My cousin is a chiropractor, but she was unable to treat me because of the vertigo. She tried one time but I almost fell off her table when moving positions and that was the end of that...which was a bummer cause I was really looking forward to a good crackin, lol.

Still I was determined to keep going. And so I left her house and went to Florence. I was able to see Michelangelo's David...which completely lived up to the hype. Seriously, I just stood there admiring that sculpture for about 20 minutes. And because it is not tourist season I was able to do this with ease. I climbed the Duomo which was intense for me...even more than when Amelia and I went into the pyramids! It is this crazy tight circular stair case and then side ways and then you come out and you are in the basilica where there were some of the most gruesome depictions of hell I have ever seen! Seriously...I am glad I don't believe in hell, cause Florence would have been traumatic otherwise, lol. And then you go back into the walls of the structure and keep climbing...people are coming down and assuring you, its not much further and its "worth it." And then you get there and you agree...and together everyone enjoys the view together...and the fresh air...there is such camaraderie in experiencing situations like this with strangers. We did it...we made it...everyone is happy in that moment...the feeling of peace is tangible.

Thursday was my Thanksbirthday. I went to a beautiful church called Santa Maria della Croce per the recommendation of my friend Kirk...who by the way I have to thank for all his help when I was in Florence...I love you Kirk! Then I went to the Ufizi museum where I met a man in the ticket booth whose wife was also having her Thanksbirthday! He invited me to celebrate with them that night and I gave him my contact information but I never heard from him...I'm thinking maybe his wife wasn't too keen on him bringing some random woman over for Thanksbirthday dinner, lol. Its for the best though cause explaining to another Italian family that I don't eat meat and can't drink wine right now is never super fun.(I did go out to dinner with a woman in my hostel named Fairlie which was lovely :) I am fairly certain I missed most of this museum due to 1)not getting a map of the place 2) as much as I hate to say, vertigo makes it hard to move your eyes around a lot and 3)receiving a call from my cousin telling me that there was a terrorist situation in Mumbai.

So, I went back to my hostel to find out what was going on. I was supposed to leave for Mumbai on Monday. For about two hours I was kinda freaking out. I had organized my arrival to India so well. I had a hotel in Mumbai and another plane ticket to Trivandrum, where I would be picked up to go to Amma ji's ashram. Now there was so much re-arranging to do. I was looking at all my options on the net and even considered just flying to Bangkok first, but their airport was closed due to "civil unrest." Then I got a phone call from my uncle Johnny...who is like my father ...wishing me a happy birthday and asking me not to go to India. I knew that my family would be concerned, but I also felt that I had to make the decision I felt most comfortable with. I did not want to make a decision out of fear and the truth is that I still did not feel unsafe traveling to India.


What it ended up coming down to was my feelings of wellness. The vertigo had gotten worse since I left my cousins, and re-arranging my trip to India felt overwhelming. I also believe very strongly in how the energy around you effects your experience. I knew that I had a lot of fear energy surrounding me from my family. I also knew that as a result of the events, India herself was experiencing some shifts. In my heart I wanted to be present to contribute in a positive way. But I had to be honest with myself and ask, "Do you really feel up to this right now?" And the answer was no.

Once I decided to leave I felt that I must make it back for one of my best friend's weddings. So Friday I changed my ticket to come home Saturday. I left my hostel at 5 a.m. Took a train to the airport, a plane to London, and another to Dulles. My plane got in at 2 and with the help of my sister and my girl Jewel...I made it to Jenny's wedding at 5!

Being present for this moment in her life was so precious to me, and so worth all it took for me to get there. When I planned my trip I had to accept that I would miss this day...and just be with her in thought and Presence. But, I am so thankful that I was able to make it. I know for certain that Jenny is one of the most beautiful beings I have ever known. I could literally feel her heart...and the purity of it...the purity of the moment touched me so deeply. Thank you for being you Jenny...I thank God that you are in my life.

So what now? That seems to be the question, lol...and I realized as I got off the plane in Virginia that this will be another great test of being present in the moment. My first focus is to find complete healing from symptoms of vertigo and I believe that this will happen. My desire is still to go to India and I am trusting that the Universe will provide a way to get there when the time is perfect. Other than that, I am just appreciating being in my bed with my dog sleeping beside me...that my sister is just upstairs...that I feel so much love in my life. I am appreciating the fullness of what is right now...and not caring about what is not. And I am just so damn thankful.

Love, Peace, and Blessings

Great Blogs!

Two of my friends who are traveling in Italia also have blogs that are really wonderful.

My friend Becca who I made friends with in Sicily has her AMAZING photographs up on her blog. There is a hysterical one of me wearing the plastic tanktop and socks I created because the burrs were bothering me so much, lol...but seriously, she is so talented and since I have struggled with getting pics up, she has several from the farm I worked on in Sicily. donbecca.blogspot.com

I was also fortunate to spend time with a friend from Fairfield at the farm in Puglia...Amellia. Her blog is such a beautiful demonstration of her incredible spirit. The way she tells stories makes me laugh out loud! I am sure there will be many more good ones to come :). amelliaandcaitlin.blogspot.com

I have arrived in Florence...its been a long day of travel and I am ready for bed :)

Love, Peace, and Blessings

If you are not loving yourself, you are not loving God

After my second day in Catanzaro I boarded a train back to Puglia, to Omgarden, my first home in Italia. I was greeted by Marilina and my friend Amellia from Fairfield! It was wonderful being back on the farm and to have the opportunity to share this experience and cultivate a beautiful connection with Amellia was nourishing to my spirit. It was nice to be with someone who relates to me on so many different levels and who understands where I am coming from. I LOVE YOU AMELLIA!!! Thank you for all the laughter and tears...your pure, open spirit is inspiring to me :) Of course it was also nice to be with Marilina again. Each time we are able to connect again it feels like the interaction gains more depth and comfort.

So then I left for Milano to stay with my cousin Natalie, who I had only met once when I was 12 years old! We had talked on the phone a few times and she had been incredibly welcoming so I was eager to spend some time with her and her family. I could really go on and on about her...she is smart, beautiful, funny, real...so real. I was a bit nervous as to how she would receive my intention to go spend time with Amma. But she was soooo open and supportive, dropping me off and picking me up each day from the train station. Spending time with her family has been an incredible gift to me. Her husband Joe is also super cool and plays the best damn Nana from Peter Pan that I have EVER seen! Seriously, this guy is a great actor. They have a son named Anthony who is four and a daughter named Nicole who is two. Being around children is like food for my soul! And they are so beautiful and so brilliant.

I had planned to explore more while I was here, but instead have ended up resting quite a bit. I will come back to Italy so I don't feel like I have to cram every single thing in. I leave for Florence tomorrow and will spent a few days (my birthday is THURSDAY!) and then Friday will head back to Rome to get ready for my departure to India. I leave a week from today! HOLY MACKERAL!

I learn more every day about surrender. I have found that I am becoming more and more accepting of each moment of my life. I just finished "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. I have savored this book, really taken my time with it, and I honestly feel it has been a transformational process. Although I spent the last year studying all the principles he discusses, I have focused on bringing consciousness into the world from the transcendent. Tolle shares how to bring it in from our waking state and makes it so applicable. Through my resonance with the knowledge he shares I have been able to make some positive decisions that have enabled me to avoid "drama" that I would have plunged right into before. I have been able to see myself more wholistically...to see who is operating...Is it my ego, or small self? or is it my true Self, the one that doesn't need to create suffering? What I have learned is, if it feels like I am being threatened, or disrespected, or hurt...when I am looking at someone elses actions as somehow personal to me...or anything that has to do with money or possessions...it is my ego that is screaming to be heard...the unconscious part of me that has lost sight of what really matters.

For me what matters is Love...God, Unity, Pure Consciousness...there are many names though none can really express the wholeness of it. Being able to discern and choose this aspect has enabled me to have a more honest love for the people in my life and a deeper sense of compassion. I realize that this, then, is a reflection of the love I have for my Self. The title of this post came from my summation paper at MUM. I can remember writing it and having a bit of an ah ha moment. I remember thinking, of course I love God...and as a creation of that source I am inseparable from it...

WOW! As I have written countless times in the book I just finished...SO BEAUTIFUL!!!

There is no moment more extraordinary than this one 11/10/08

(I wrote this a week ago but was kicked off the net, so I saved it and still wanted to post)

I was thinking about how I wrote the post the other day about how perfect my trip to Sant Angelo di Brolo went. I was thinking about how we label things "good" or "bad" and this shapes our perception of the experience. What I am learning is that every moment is equally precious even when it does not appear so…

I arrived in Catanzaro yesterday afternoon after a six-hour train ride. I almost missed the second train, but a short encounter with one attendant saved me as she literally came to find me on the other train! The owner of the bed and breakfast picked me up...a beautiful and strong Calabresa named Rosanna. I was actually able to carry on a conversation with her, which was really exciting for me. Looks like those lessons are paying off :)

I explored the town a bit last night and then ended up coming back to the B&B and catching up on some e-mails. And this is when I start to ramble so get ready (and for those who have heard me go off about this so many times already, I do apologize J. But I have not written about how I have faced anxiety on my trip and this is something that I have wanted to do. Most everyone knows how I struggled with this for many years and that this trip was the ultimate in facing my fears. What I have come to, not just with this specific issue, but "my story" as a whole, is that I am becoming less and less identified. However, when it comes to feelings of anxiety I still have moments where I face 20 years of a particular pattern of thinking.

Last night I got into my head in a big way thinking about a situation in my life. I allowed myself to get so caught up I couldn’t sleep, which after a long day of travel and not feeling particularly well, resulted in waking up twice having some pretty intense anxiety. You add that to arriving at the train station this morning and discovering NO trains are running today because of a strike and you got yourself a...what do I do best at the train stations?...you guessed it…I had myself a breakdown! Lololol!

This is not the first time I have had anxiety on this trip...I am human after all...and most days I feel like I have a "normal" level. But there are many tools I have picked up along the way to settle myself down before I become overwhelmed. I am able to use cognitive techniques, affirmations, prayer, meditative techniques, but MOST important is my breath. Thus far I have not had to rely on anything outside of these tools and I do not believe I will again. If I ever felt differently and I thought I needed something more, I would do what was best for me in that moment.

I talk about this now because I know that there are so many people out there who are suffering from feelings of anxiety…maybe have even been diagnosed with a “disorder.” For people who have not experienced this it is hard to understand. I have tried to explain it many times to people as a constant feeling of fright…your heart is beating fast, your stomach is tight, you might have to go to the bathroom, you feel like you can’t breathe. But it is so much more than the physical presentation. It is a constant recording playing in your head that says "What if?" What if this, What if that…What if a million different things that include various situations, doubting yourself...literally who you are, obsession with events from the past or the future...a feeling of unsettledness dwells with you in a way that can feel impossible to shake. At one time I felt powerless over this vicious cycle…I believed I might never get well.

I now realize I was never “sick.” But that I had a lot of unresolved pain and stress that had been stored in my body. Anxiety was how it manifested and because of how sensitive I am it became extreme. I now feel that this experience was one of my greatest teachers…and continues to be. It alerts me to when I am out of alignment with my truth, or when I am not taking care of my body. Anxiety tells me to “pay attention.”

I believe in total healing and I believe that it is possible for any Being to find their way to that place. Each persons path is different and unique to their experience. But I truly feel that there is one incredibly important component and hopefully someday I will be able to find a way to create a research study about it, lol. That component is Belief. The moment I believed that I would “get well” everything changed. And today, I am here...in Italy...by myself, when only a few years ago I could barely leave my house...I am here. And I am learning that just like when my internal experience seemed like it was unchangeable my external experiences now can seem the same. In both cases it has proved to be about perception…about choices…about consciousness expanding.

My message to others who are going through a similar experience is that you are not defined by the pattern of thoughts you are thinking, or how you are feeling as a result…you are not the label of some diagnosis, or the medication you take…you are so much more…perfect, whole and complete…no matter what the appearance of the situation. You are a manifestation of the divine and because of this you have access to all of the abundance the Universe has to offer. This too shall pass. And when it does, you will love life infinitely more…live life infinitely better…be more Present than ever before.

So just as yesterday when the train attendant rescued me from the wrong train and I thought, "nature is so precise," I accept that the “good” moments are no different from the “bad.” As Rosanna and I drove from the station she turned on the radio and "Let It Be" was playing. As the tears of frustration became tears of gratitude I knew that this too, was an extraordinary moment.

Love, peace, and blessings.

The legacy of a doorstep baby...

(had to add an important detail i forgot...this is a repost)

I called my aunt the day after I arrived in Cefalu. Sitting on the beach talking to her I wanted to know more about my grandfather. I did not feel a connection to him in Catania and this was dissappointing to me. I figured that my expectations might have been unrealistic, this desire to feel something different. What I discovered was that I had somehow made a mistake...that my grandfather was not from Catania, but was from a town called Sant Angelo di Brolo. Here I had spent all this time creating a way to be in the location my grandfather was from and I had gone somewhere else! I thought, I wonder where the hell this place is? I am supposed to leave for Calabria in a few days...how am I ever going to get there?

So I went on the net...and I discovered that the town was just over an hour from where I am staying. It is a province of Messina. After spending two hours trying to figure out how to get there by train and bus, as well as trying to figure out my transportation to Calabria I was in a bit of a tizzy. Yesterday I had a bit of a travelers meltdown, lol...it is difficult to navigate in a country where you have a hard time communicating. Thanks must be given to Jewel first for calling me and making me laugh and Jo for rescuing me in indecision once again, lol.

So after a bit of debate, I decided to rent a car and make my way to Sant Angelo Di Brolo. It is a small town on the mountainside overlooking the valley just a few kilometers from the ocean. I went to the cemetary and as I walked I kept asking for guidance. Before I even left I felt this strong presence of my grandfather and my father...who I miss desperately today. The next thing I know there it is...a stone with the Spurio surname. So I call my aunt again and ask her about it, and we began to talk about the family name. My great grandfather (we think, might have been great great) was a doorstep baby. He was taken in by a family with the last name Bonfiglio. We never understoon why he was not given their surname. My grandfathers full name was Carmelo Bonfiglio Spurio. What I found out in Calabria, sitting in the home of a Romainian family with my host, that Spurio literally means baby left on the doorstep. I began to cry right there...thinking of how we had always wondered about this, and realizing in that moment that my name carries the tale of my ancestors. Oh, and about two minutes after we got off the phone, I found a stone with Bonfiglio :) Then as I was about to leave the cemetary I look over at the landscape and my eyes naturally fall upon a stone that says, Carmelo Spurio. It was really something...spirit could not have been more generous with visual signposts.

I spent a bit more time exploring the town...I sat in the church and wondered if maybe he had sat in the same pew. I wanted to get back to Cefalu before dark so I began to drive back. I realized how close to the ocean I was, so I drove down to the beach. It was here where I felt the energetic shift. Suddenly I felt as though I could access my grandfathers life...even, his thoughts. I felt him within me in a way I never have before. And it was at this moment I decided to spread some of my fathers ashes...into the Mediterranean...with a view of the Aeolian Islands in front of me and the roar of the waves hitting the rocks beside me. I had planned to do this in Catania, but it never felt right. I am so glad that I listened...

Tomorrow I leave for the town my grandmother was from. Some day I will bring my family back here. It is a day I already anticipate with excitement and joy. Because we are three generations...living...because of a womans hope that her child might have a better life.

Love, Peace, and Blessings

When Consciousness rises...boundaries disappear

It is a good day to be a part of the world family! I have wanted to write about the election in America for some time. It has been nice in some ways to be away during this time as I have found the intensity of the political machine to be a bit upsetting in the past. Also, it is quite nice to be surrounded only by people who support the canditate you favor, lol.

Since being in Italy I have not met one person who has not expressed a desire to see Obama become president. Several people told me that they hoped the "Americans would get it right this time." I thought about how, even if there were many people in America who were not supporting Obama, the world consciousness was, and that this would certainly have a dramatic impact. I was also aware of many spiritual communities who were meditating and praying with the intent of supporting peace in our world. Because that feels like the biggest focus...why so many people wanted to see Obama become president. Because fundamentally I think we all want Peace...even those who have become so disconnected from there Self.

I have had several dialogues since I left about the disfunctions of government systems, not just in America, but all over the world. I know that the system in America has many problems, and that there are no quick fixes. But I hope that as the consciousness rises we will all be happy to see changes in a positive direction.

Today I celebrate alongside other Beings who support this shift and I am filled with the deepest sense of gratitude. I give thanks. And so it is!

Love, Peace, and Blessings

Talking Italian

Shortly before I left on this trip I spent some time in Pittsburgh, where most of my Italian relatives live. My aunt Josaphine asked me, "Do you talk Italian?" lol...After six weeks of living in Italy the extent of my Italian is best understood by the dogs...literally...I know how to tell a dog to "get out" like nobody's business :). So when I was trying to decide what to do when I left Casa del Acqua I happened upon a school in Sicily where I could study Italian. I am living in a little seaside village called Cefalu (pronounced with a Ch). I arrived from Catania yesterday evening and had my first lesson this morning. I was pleased to realize how much I had already picked up. Because it is the low season I have lucked out and am recieving one on one lessons, which is really nice. Guilia (prounounced Julia) is a great teacher, and I found myself thinking of my sistergirl Tamar several times during the lesson. She teaches english as a second language and I was touched thinking about how many people she has helped. I was fortunate to go to one of her graduation ceremonies this past summer and was moved to tears by her words and her presence.

I also have to give a shout out to the folks at Casa del Acqua, the farm I have lived on for the past two weeks. Nirav is the owner of the farm and was a wonderful host. Vittorio and Becca were my compadres in the olive harvest...and we all built a freaking fence! I thought it couldn't be done, lol...but I was wrong :) I love you guys soooooooooo much! Becca you are my girl for life!

I will write more this week but I must go for now. Ciao.

Love, Peace, and Blessings

Picture it...Sicily...2008

This will be short, but just want everyone to know I have made it to Sicily after an eight hour bus ride! It was really something looking out over the barge that carries the automobiles from Italy to Sicily, knowing I would soon be where my Grandfather spent his first 20 years. I never met my Grandfather. He died 2 months before I was born, but I have felt his presence all of my life. I know he is one of my angels.

As one of my good friends recently told me, travelling has its ups and downs...There are moments that I am so overwhelmed with the beauty around me I wish I could capture it some way to share. When all of my senses are experiencing something that comes together in an extraordinary space in time. I am so filled with gratitude emotion can overwhelm me. I also have moments where I feel so stripped of everything I have identified with...so raw...so naked. I want to run from a feeling that is impossible to escape. There is no where to go that will make me more connected to what is already here...my Self. So it is in this space that I am learning to ALLOW in a way I never have before. In a sense, I am even more grateful for these moments...because they create more room for the kind I spoke of first.

I have met a great girl at this farm and her company has brought home to me. Her presence is a blessing and we are having fun harvesting olives (and enjoying the fruit of our labor :) and building fences...and eating...and eating...and eating, lol!

All is well...All is well...

Love, Peace, and Blessings

"Pasta is Lite"

Ciao Tutti (Hello All)
It has been nearly three weeks since my last post...holy mackeral! The internet situation is a bit challanging for me and unfortunately, today, the day I get to a high speed connection, I forget my camera. I planned to upload all my pics to show my first month in Italy (per several requests), and I apologize, but you will have to wait a bit longer. Excuse.

I have had so many different experiences over the last few weeks, externally and internally. I spent about a week and a half with a very relentless cold. I was able to examine how much the state of my physical Being affects my emotional wellness and vice versa. I was so fortunate to be with Marilina, who was very understanding and helpful. She is an amazing woman, and I am so blessed to have been brought to her farm. I left Puglia a week ago today to go to another farm in Briatica, Calabria. I could say many things, but the only thing necessary is to say that I was not comfortable there. When I decided I needed to leave, Marilina allowed me to come back to her farm to regroup and create a new plan. This experience brought a wonderful lesson, as well as a memorable demonstration of Natures support in my life. The lesson was, I don't have to CHOOSE to suffer. In spite of my discomfort I tried to convince myself that this was good for me...I should be able to transcend the situation. And what I realized is that growing in Consciousness is not about transcending misery (although I feel that this is a piece of the puzzle as well), it is about making life supporting decisions. It is about CHOOSING to go in a direction of greater happiness and fulfillment.

Once I made the choice to leave it was like everything fell into place. I was able to hitch a ride back to Puglia with my host. I arrived at the train station with only nine euros, and not knowing that I literaly had NO access to any cash because of a deposit misunderstanding. I broke down in tears in front of the station men, giving my dads hankie another workout, lololol!!! And this kind man talked to Marilina on the phone, took me onto his train, looked at me with the deepest compassion each time he passed through to check tickets, then drove me from where his train stopped to Martina Franca where Marilina picked me up. He didn't charge me a single euro, and it is because of his kindness that I made it back to Puglia safe and with a lighter heart. I will always be so touched and grateful for this.

So, I got to spend an extra five days with Marilina and will also be forever grateful to her for all the love she has given me. I am looking forward to the day she comes to the states and I can take her to Yogaville!

Tomorrow I leave again. I will be taking a bus to Catania. I must forgo Catanzaro for now, and trust that the opportunity to go will present itself if the time is right. I will be working the olive harvest for two weeks, and then possibly going to another farm for about two more. I discovered that Amma-ji will be in Milan the 15th of November so I will return to the north for that. Perhaps I will continue the tour until I leave for India on the first of December :)

I better get going. For anyone who wants to call me I have a number here 3886992783. And if you have the time update me on whats going on in your worlds, I feel a bit out of touch here :)

Love, peace, and Blessings

Present

I can feel myself becoming more present than I have ever before, and I realize this was a big part of why I went on this journey. I feel like I am living in a dream...I am in awe as life unfolds before me...it is overwhelming and at the same time I feel completely calm...a change is happening that I am unable to describe in words.

I took the train from Rome to Ostuni Puglia. I learned that train doors do not open by themselves as the train began to depart from the station I was supposed to get off of, lolol! Man I was freaking out! I ran through that train so fast. Fortunately, my wwoof host Mary had a cell phone. I was able to get off at the next stop and return within an hour.

Mary pulls up and the first thing I notice, besides her bright blue eyes and warm smile, was Raam Daas playing and an "Om Namah Shivaya" sticker on the dashboard! And that was just the beginning. I am living in an area that is known for its Trulli houses...the home I am staying is one such house and the room I sleep in is the Trulli...pyramid power!!! I realize that this is probably the nicest place I will stay while on my trip, lol. It is not so much a farm, but I have been helping harvest almonds (which are amazing! seriously everything tastes different here) and chestnuts. The primary crop they have is olives, though I will not be here for the olive harvest, since I have already committed to helping a farm in Sicily.

What has been the most amazing is that I have been led directly into my purpose and also the Vedic tradition. How incredible is it that I end up staying with a woman who teaches yoga and has been studying the Veda for most of her life. I landed here two days before the sacred period of The Nine Days of Mother Divine, and it just so happens that my host lives near a Babaji Ashram where they are performing Yagyas (spiritual ceremonies)for the duration! (a link with some info: http://www.akhandjyoti.org/?Akhand-Jyoti/2003/Sept-Oct/AshwinNavaratri/ ) When we left the ashram this morning we went to visit some friends to bring them prasad (blessed food) and I was introduced to a man "who had lived in America." I asked him where he lived, and when he said Nebraska, I was like "What?" I told him I lived in Iowa this past year and he said, "In Fairfield?" This is when I say...HOLY SHIT!!!!...inner dialogue of course, lol, but seriously...pretty incredible.

So for right now I am planning to stay until the end of the nine days...but, you never know. For right now, I am just being, and loving...and this feels like the right thing to do.

I must go for now. I was given some time to roam the Old City in Ostuni and have spent too much time on the net, lol. I am going to get a book and notebook to work on learning Italian. My hosts are being very gracious in helping me to learn so I have decided to get serious about it.

I love everyone immensely...keep holding my highest good in your consciousness...I can FEEL your love and prayers...just look at the experiences I am having!

love, peace and blessings

Life is Beautiful

I don't have much time to write but wanted to let everyone know that all is well and I am adjusting to my travel life very nicely :) I have met some really wonderful people already, one who I am sure I will keep in touch with for life. I am thinking I might try to go to Germany to visit her when I go to Northern Italy.

For now though I am being drawn to the south. I leave Rome early to head to the region of Puglia to work on a small farm. I was supposed to go from there to Catania Sicily to help make herbal products on another farm but just found out that is not an option. Either way I will be leaving for Catania in late October.

I just have to say, and will write more about this later, that I am reading A New Earth by Eckert Tolle. This book is just about all that I spent the last year studying and it is pure bliss reading it. I highly recommend that you all check it out. This man is amazing!

Someone has to get on the net and so I must go...

Love, peace, and blessings.

ps. did i mention that everything here is beautiful? especially the men!lolol...

When in Rome....

Well, I made it...I am in the old country. I had a bit of a rough start, including walking the streets with a piece of pizza in one hand and my dads hanky in the other, periodically sobbing, lol...ok, not sobbing, but that sounds so much funnier. I met a group of American girls that night and they invited me to see the Vatican with them the next day, which was like a divine intervention :)

So all day at the Vatican...what an amazing place. I even got blessed by the Papa! The pope comes out on Wednesdays at 11:00...you are supposed to get a ticket but we didn't have one. Apparently that was not an issue as the guards just let us right in. Then we went to the Vatican museums which was amazing and so filled with beautiful art. By four I was getting pretty tired and the girls I was with were still going strong. So I told them to go ahead and I would try to find them. I wanted to stay and meditate in the Sistine Chapel. This was a sweet moment for me. Afterwards I was ready for some more and went to St. Peters Basilica (after getting the first of many gelatos in Italy :)

A bit of what I wrote in my journal at St. Peters:
Life is a prayer...where have I heard those words before?
As I sit in this magnificent church, I watch people kneel down and pray - they sit next to me and bless themselves - look at Jesus, the embodiment of light, of love. They kneel and pray and ask for the grace that has already been bestowed on us. Grace that is all around if we would just open our eyes and see.
There is a lot of silence here.
Grace...I feel steeped in Grace...I give thanks.
(For my family - I thought of grandma, who, even when she could barely walk, would kneel upon entering a church. I think of how I have been shown devotion to God my whole life and how blessed I am for this. I thank my family for this, but especially my mother, who allowed me to love God the way it was most comfortable for me, thank you mom, you are amazing and I love you.)

When I got back to the hostel I received an email from my TM teacher in response to my struggles the previous day. It simply had one quote: If the doors to perception were cleansed,everything would appear to us as it is, infinite. - William Blake
Thank you Linda.

I would be lying to say that I dont feel like I am on a roller coaster ride. Right now I am struggling with the feeling of being out of my path, my dharma, for those of you who understand that concept. I keep thinking about the work I feel like I should be doing. Perhaps it will get better when I start working on a farm, which will hopefully be starting on Saturday or Sunday. I need to get the hell out of Rome before I have no money left, lol.

I better get rolling. Going to see the Colosseum today, I figure I will get in as much as I can while I am here. I am meeting up with my friends Kirk and his new bride Jena tomorrow and I am really looking forward to that. I hope all is well with everyone...send me some love when you get the chance...thanks to everyone who already has.

love, peace, and blessings.

Ask the right questions…

I am on my way back to VA from a whirlwind week in Cali. I spent the first three days visiting schools and seeing some of the bay area. Jimena and Dave were quite the tour guides and I am so thankful to them for their time and patience. Then Jimena and I took a road trip to Lake Tahoe and stayed one night with my friend Eric. It was sooooo beautiful there and was just what we needed. I think that it is the purest water I have ever swam in…it really felt amazing! I left feeling so settled which was a contrast to how overwhelmed I felt after all the school visits. We returned to Oakland, where I had been blessed to stay with Jimena and her boyfriend Mark throughout my time in the Bay. They took me out for my last night and I was finally able to meet Jimena’s friend Liz, who I have been hearing about for eight years! It was a great week and, as always, good to be with one of my true soul mates ☺.

I am going home with some answers and more questions, which, right now, I am okay with. I realized I could have planned this trip much better in terms of how I explored the schools. But ultimately what I trust is the feeling place – how each school made me feel intuitively. The truth is, my best experience was at Southwestern. But after this week I have realized that while I definitely want to engage in therapeutic relationships with individuals, I am also passionate about research and teaching. This has led me to seriously contemplate pursuing a doctoral degree in clinical psychology. In any case, I have a lot to think about, and will have to speak with the admissions counselors again in order to figure out the logistics. I do feel excited and encouraged to move forward and reach for my highest goal. And I trust that if this is the direction I need to go in, my path will lead me there.

When speaking to my friend Stephen yesterday he was filling me in on a visit by Rev. Michael Beckwith at MUM. He told me Rev. Beckwith talked about asking the right questions, about how when we do this, when we open up ourselves, the Universe opens up to us and reveals the answers in such a clear and simple way…

I believe that we have access to all the answers because on a fundamental level we are not only a part of the whole of life, but that the entity of the whole of life is contained within each of us. I am reminded of the scripture Matthew 7:7 - Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

We just have to ask.

Love, Peace, & Blessings

College Tour Stop #1 - Santa Fe New Mexico

So the day before I left for New Mexico the realization hits me that I am about to, for the first time, fly to a destination, where, no one will be there to meet me...My first totally solo trip. Panic set in immediately! This combined with the fact that I was upset over a tattoo I recently acquired (which by the way, now that the repair work is healing, I am now feeling quite happy about) led to a minor "tizzy" as one of my old hairdresser co-workers would say.

I figured if I couldn't do this I might need to reconsider this whole traveling the world thing. So, that was motivation in itself. I have had some tough moments, where I have questioned my ability to do what I am doing...moments when old familiar feelings of anxiety descend upon me and I wonder why it is that I continue to face this issue. I have to approach it from every level, but for me, I am finding that breath is most important. I was talking to a good friend of mine, Eric, about this the other night. He talked about the breath being the connection between our physical selves and our Cosmic Selves. What a beautiful way to explain this! I feel that it is true for me, because it is when I am able to connect with what is real, that I am able to feel most comfortable in the relative world. Thank God for meditation! :)

So New Mexico...I have learned a lot already about traveling by myself and the things I need to create comfort and flow in my experience. I was fortunate to be here during something called "Indian Market," the largest display of American Indian Artwork that happens once a year. My first day I was fortunate to be able to explore the various booths and was so impressed by the work I saw. While I was in the town square, I also checked out the Georgia O'Keefe museum where I saw an exhibit of her work along with Ansel Adams. WOW!!! Such a moving exhibit...these artists had such a deep connection with Mother Earth and I was literally moved to tears. I found this to be true of most of the art I have seen here. People are very connected...and it makes sense, it is truly beautiful. With the mountains, the desert, rivers, forests...they've got everything but the beach!

Yesterday I decided to drive up the mountain to the ski area and hike. About halfway up I decided that wasn't such a good idea as I became more nauseated the higher I went. So I thought, its all good, I'll just go hiking on one of the lower parts of the mountain. Turns out that wasn't such a good idea either. Santa Fe is on a high elevation...they say you should wait a few days to get acclimated before doing a lot of activity. Turns out they are right. So a half hour later I was continuing my drive DOWN the mountain. I ended up getting to see the inside of some beautiful homes and talked to some really nice people who should be on commercials to sale Santa Fe as the place to be. I was also able to connect with a fellow Fairfield friend I discovered was living here for dinner which was really nice.

Today I had an apt. with an admissions counselor at Southwestern. I decided to check my calendar again before leaving for my apt...11:00...not 1:00...I called the school in a panic to find that the admissions counselor I was meeting had left because she wasn't feeling well. Lucky for me her assistant Saijon gave me the tour and sat and talked with me for a bit. As I was leaving I was introduced to the president of the university and we had a wonderful conversation. Without any prompting he began to address many concerns I had about going into "clinical" psychology. He talked about how the school allowed the students to go deeper into themselves so that they might bring this connection into their work. We talked about working with the system while bringing a more holistic and spiritual approach to the client. We talked about research, about shifts in consciousness and paradigm. I talked about my own path and my desires in this field. What was most impressive was that from the very beginning of the conversation he spoke with me on what felt like the same level, and I felt confident in what I had to offer.

The school is incredibly small with 150 students and only a few buildings. But the space is so nice, the energy feels good...and I love that they embrace all traditions. And it turns out the woman who is in charge of the program I am interested in practices TM and lived in Fairfield for many years!

So...while driving back to the airport, looking at the beautiful landscapes in every direction I thought...I could live here. So I am one for four. I will definitely be applying to Southwestern. Now on to Frisco...

love, peace, and blessings

Time Flies...When You're Having Fun :)

Its been almost exactly a year since my last post. I apologize for not keeping up with this blog, especially with the year I have had! It is difficult to sum up all of what this last year has meant to me, how I have grown and how much transformation has occurred. I think the simplest way would be to say that I am happier and more fulfilled than I have ever been...that, I feel deeply connected to the wholeness of life...and that, my heart is full and the world I perceive is a reflection of this deep connection to love...to God.

Tonight, I was sitting at my computer researching for the next part of my journey and I thought of all of the people who have been loving and supporting me all of these years. People who believed in me when I was too afraid to believe in myself...family, friends, clients, teachers... And I feel the deepest sense of gratitude. Because I know that my success is in large part a result of this energy that has surrounded me. I thank each of you for this...for loving me, and for trusting me with your own experiences. Know that you are all in my thoughts as I too hold your highest good in my consciousness. Thank you.

I received my masters degree in Vedic Science in June. It was a year of knowledge gained from every level, a year which brought affirmation and clarity to my faith and my purpose. I have decided to continue my education in the helping profession by pursuing a degree in Transpersonal Counseling. This model of psychology is wholistic as it includes mind, body, and spirit when addressing the wellness of individuals. Through my own experiences this has proven to be necessary and my desire is to help others move through their own healing process in ways similar to how I was helped. I would also like very much to be a part of a shift in how we as human beings perceive mental health. I am leaving Friday to visit the schools I am interested in so there should be more on that later :).

Before I go back to school again I have decided to travel. It just feels like the right time and so I am going for it. I have alloted six months for this adventure but I am also flexible in whatever direction I am guided, whether that means being away for more or less time or going to more or less destinations. My attention is focused on Being present for each moment of my experience and taking care of myself as I go along the way.

This is my most monster step!:) Most of you know about the many years I struggled with anxiety. I would be lying to say that I am not actively addressing this, and I would like to use this blog as a way to express how I deal with those feelings. Perhaps my experience will be able to help someone else.

So, as you see, I am going to give this blog thing another shot :). It is going to have to work though because I am using it to be my main form of updating my friends and family. My goal is to use it to express my thoughts and feelings in an honest and candid way. It will never be my intention to offend anyone, but I have decided that it is necessary for me to communicate openly without fear.

You can subscribe to this blog by clicking the icon in the upper left corner and you will receive e-mails when I post. I still have to figure out how to connect a photo link, but that should be worked out before I leave the US of A.

I guess that is all for now...except...

I love you and I am thankful for you.

love, peace, and blessings...