Remembering Who I Am

I have many teachers in my life…many amazing teachers. I do realize that every single person I encounter plays the role of a teacher because in some way they reveal a part of my Self, a part of life. However, I have been gifted generously with teachers who are specifically present to guide me spiritually.

In Italy, I was reminded of how much the teachings of Christ enriched my life as I was growing up. In my early teens teachers took the form of authors mostly, as I began to explore different concepts and philosophies. However, for a long period of time, I did not really have someone to guide me. In my twenties I went through several years of struggle mentally and physically and wanted so badly to find someone that could help me. I went to a couple of counselors but something was always missing, I needed to find someone that could bring in a spiritual component.

And then I met Lyn. I can still remember the feeling that came over me the first time she greeted me…the first time I heard her voice…saw the light that beamed from her when she smiled. I knew that day my life was about to change. I knew that this woman would provide me a way to true healing.

The life I experience today is nothing short of a miracle to me, and I give much of the credit to Lyn for guiding me…for showing me Love. She counseled me. She prayed with me… an incredible gift she had was in creating the perfect prayers. Sometimes I would start crying as soon as she would start praying, just because it felt so right…and I felt so thankful. She used different energy modalities…She talked to me about diet…about taking care of my body. She called and sent me cards when I was sick. She came to the Rally for Darfur that she watched me pour my heart into for months. She walked me through the grieving process when my father died…she performed his service. She was always there for me. Whenever I felt lost, when I needed to be heard and reminded of what was real, what really mattered – it was Lyn I would turn to. And she would pray with me…there were times I would literally pull my car over to close my eyes and receive her words…

Her perfect words…today, I am desperate for her words. What I want to have is something only she has been able to provide thus far in my life. Just the sound of her voice…it resonated differently within me than any other voice I have ever heard. I can hardly believe she passed nearly a year ago. Today I long for her physical presence so much it is overwhelming…my heart aches.

It is hard for me to explain the deep devotion I feel towards Lyn. She wasn’t an enlightened sage, or a well-known guru although I have been blessed with these teachers as well. With Lyn there was just a resonance that I have not felt with any other teacher in my life. Just over a year ago I was talking to her on the phone and I said, “You are my Guru.” And she replied, “You are your Guru.” Her message to me was that I am my greatest teacher. This I feel is what all great spiritual teachers are guiding us towards. Experiencing the reality that we are each connected to the source in a way that enables us live in the awareness of the absolute in every moment.

Lyn was the answer to a prayer I prayed many times. There is no way to quantify all that I gained from her presence. There are no words that could adequately express the gratitude I feel that she allowed herself to be a instrument for the divine…for each moment I was graced with her love….with her light. She used to always tell me that nothing makes a teacher happier than to see her student go beyond her own teaching. It is her legacy that I am a part of and that I will carry on.

The last time I got to see Lyn was just over a year ago. We spent the afternoon together talking and laughing in spite of the physical pain she was experiencing. She still had the most incredible smile…the most sincere laughter. And at the end of the visit I sat at her feet. My teacher. And with her husband Lee, we prayed together, each of us contributing something. My prayer was a prayer of gratitude, but emotion overwhelmed me so much, I struggled with the words. Together, we cried. Out of love, and fear, and anger, and sadness, and acceptance, and surrender, and trust…we prayed and we cried. And I felt her love so deeply, so purely…a peace descended on me that sustained me for the months that followed. Even after she died, the feeling of her presence was almost tangible at times…in the stillness I am gifted with her voice in my ears.

I am sharing this because I have wanted to honor Lyn in some way – to express my gratitude for all her presence has brought into my life. Not just for myself, but for her wonderful husband Lee, for her mother, for her siblings, and for all the people who love her and miss her during this precious time of gathering. And so I will end with a prayer…the way she taught me to pray…a prayer of thanks…with the words I was unable to say just over a year ago to her.

I know that God is all there is, the Oneness of all, the light and the dark, joy and pain, birth and death. Knowing that God is all, I know that I am a part of God, inseparable from this magnificent source of all creation. Today I give thanks for Divine Grace that came in to my life in the form of a woman named Lyn. I give thanks for every word and every silence, for every healing touch of her hands on my body, every hug and every kiss, for all that she helped me to realize, let go of, release, and surrender, for every time she put me in check with love, for all the knowledge she lavished upon me - all the tools to live a better life, for every moment that she rejoiced in my triumphs, for every time she looked at me with genuine love and acceptance, for all she taught me about non-judgment, for every laugh that graced my ears, for every prayer, for every time she held my hands and created a space for me to grow, for every smile, for every breath… every single breath she breathed in the beautiful body she inhabited. I give thanks that her spirit transcends that body, that it is a part of God…a part of me. I am filled with Gratitude. And so it is. Amen.